The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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