quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
