just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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