I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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