I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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