Your face is a jimmy john
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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