no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think a kid would responsible me up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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