were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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