Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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