Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
