Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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