yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
