What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
