nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you made out with another girl for some wings
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
