I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
