i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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