You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
