I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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