Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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