So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
