yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
