after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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