3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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