Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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