I think I won the penis lottery.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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