No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
