Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
