fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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