Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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