Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck appropriateness.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
