I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
