I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
