I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
