you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
