So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
