Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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