There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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