I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We're too hungover to prance.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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