he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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