you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
