I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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