Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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