Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
