omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
