My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i think i just lost a toe
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
