does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
