Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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