I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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