I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
