so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
